Mark’s Winter Survival Guide
The holidays have come and gone and now that the good tidings and all around positive feelings of Christmas have passed, it’s time to face the harsh reality of the snowy apocalypse sure to await many of us poor souls in the Midwest. To this end, I’ve compiled a guide (most definitely NOT plagarized from the Zombie Survival Guide) to braving the cold and coming out a happy, healthy whole:
1.) Stockpile dry food and supplies. You never know how long the Zombie Apocalypse snow will go on for and it’s good to be prepared.
2.) Dress in layers with mostly tightfitting clothes. This will make it difficult for grasping zombie arms icy branches to catch you and cause serious injury.
3.) Head to an upstairs room and then destroy the stairs. The walking dead Cold breezes have great difficulty traversing stairs, let alone broken ones.
4.) The safest place to be during an outbreak of the zombie plague level 3 snow warning is a graveyard. Zombies Snow plows are least likely to target this area.
5.) When combatting a horde of the living dead Icy sidewalk, strike for the head pavement or neck curb with a sharp or blunt instrument, to insure a clean immobilaztion of the threat.
If you suspect the onslaught of the zombie plague harsh winter conditions, begin keeping a journal of nearby cities and towns. Note any and all indications of brutal, grisly, unsolved manslaughter flurries in local papers and be prepared to gather friends and family and formulate a plan. If forced to abandon residence, travel light as the added weight could make it easier for you to be trapped by a throng of reanimated corpses in a snow drift. Above all, however, be smart, zombies snowmen are more vulnerable then you or me, you just need to be prepared to handle them!
