El Marko

CHARGE SHOT: Diary of a Pokemaniac

chargeshot:

March 6th, 2011 was a good day. It marked the beginning of 2011’s National Glaucoma Week, Junior Anna Ozment was crowned 2011 Laurens County Junior Miss at the Dublin-Laurens County Junior Miss Contest, and finally, Nintendo ushered in the next generation of Pokemon! Black and White, the two…

Oh, hi…

Wow.  It’s been a while.  Rest assured Tumblr, I will return with more awesome.  I will get good at blogging.  I WILL get good at blogging.  I will get good at….

Work Tips with Mark - Professional Slang

Hello all, welcome to another valuable Work Tip, brought to you by me - Mark!

Today we look at an important social tool in any office: professional slang.  Slang is used the world over to say common, everyday things in a way that sounds cooler and thus constantly speaks to the younger generation, but ultimately sounding archaic in the long run.  The joy of Professional slang is that it will always be hip (just like italics).  These phrases will always be used around the office, even if only ironically, between coworkers and superiors alike.  So let’s dive in!  (Meaning “get started”!)

Today is only fitting for this topic, given the day.  It’s Wednesday and the work week as at it’s peak.  In business (or “the biz”) Wednesdays are known as “Hump Day”.  This is because when the week is viewed as a bell curve, Wednesday comprises the “hump” of the bell.  I feel it unnecessary to illustrate my point here, seeing as if you’ve made it into Corporate America, you clearly know what a bell curve looks like.  But I digress.  “Hump Day” is likely the most well-known article of workplace slang in all the world, but there are more.

“Team Building” is another piece of professional jargon.  The hidden joy of this phrase however, is it belies the true intentions of the activities it’s used to describe.  “Team Building” is the term professionals use to describe any fun or recreational activity performed while on company time.  Some “Team Building” examples include: company picnics, ice cream socials, group outings to athletic events, or just plain, old fun and games.  To the outside world, it’s playtime, but to you, Old Nine-To-Five Joe, it’s “Team Building”.

Abbreviations also endure as a part of professional slang.  Some of their meanings have been lost to the ages, only to have new meanings applied by today’s lingo-savvy desk jockey.  Desk Jockey!  That’s more slang.  As you can clearly see, it’s difficult to turn it off once you get started.  But to the point at hand: the most common abbreviation is TGIF.  Again, no one is sure of it’s original meaning, but the workforce at large has assigned it the phrase “Thank God It’s Friday”.  A newer, up-and-coming definition, however has deciphered it to mean “Tell (the) Guys I’m Fired”, using it as a jocular means of announcing they’ve left for the weekend.  Another abbreviation is HR.  This could relate to the “Human Resources” department of any office, but has a few other uses as well.  HR has also been known to stand for “Heavy Reading” on especially large e-mails. (are you still following my e-mail guidelines?)  It’s further known to stand for “Honest Reaction”, a tag at the end of resumes or e-mails asking for constructive criticism.  These flexible (and probably made-up) meanings are what keep the mouths and speech of office workers the world over so hip and trendy.

Office slang is an indespensible tool that aids in smoothing out all of our daily office interactions.  Fear not if you hear a piece of lingo you don’t recognize.  Just emulate the word or phrase in the same situation down the road and you’ll forego the need to learn any new vocab.  Remember, words only having meaning if we give them meaning, so learn some new phrases and just go nuts!  That’s all for this edition of Work Tips!  Slang in there! (See what I did there?)

Keystyle Battle 2010, WHAT IS UP!

linnysmith:

reallygoodwater:

kevinbauer:

bradyocallahan:

Get used to it, kiddos.  You can all call me “Champ.”

Call you champ? Not a chance

Like a kid who can’t dance

you stand by the wall lookin’ at girls

and dreamin’ of romance

but this little rhyme you bust

reeks of lack-of-confidence

‘specially when comparing it

to all my awe-inspiring stan-

zuhs

throw them fuckin’ hands up

KaBauer in the building

I’m mo’ boss than Tony Danza

You be Tony Danza
I will make concessions
Serve you hot dogs like
The youth in Asia, listen,

I will make you all get off
Like I am covered in mosquitoes
You are six inches,
I am a full hero.

I don’t wear a cape though,
I fly in Sperrys and some Ray-Bans,
My identity is well-known,
I get signage like a bodega awning.

And I am yawning now,
But that don’t mean I ever sleep,
I try to doze off,
Get awoken by explosive dreams.

So please, from whence,
Come all, know hence,
I will pull no punches,
Knock-out, Mike Tysense,
It’s a keystyle battle,
You all are on a boat,
I am on top of this lonely island.

I didn’t want to do this thing ‘cuz I’m too busy

but now I feel I have to, so suck my dizzy

I was rapping while giving birth to all you babies

Spittin’ out my rhymes while I was eating my gravy

By gravy I mean I ate actual gravy

Need Nitrous Oxide at your shows like Sir Humphry Davy

You’re writing your rhymes, going at it full throttle

Aww, wittle baby want a wittle tiny bottle?

You guys are all babies like Rugrats’ Tommy

Y’all feelin salty cuz you got mocked by your mommy

 Come one come, come all!  Cuz it’s time to ball!

Summer’s only halfway through but get ready for the fall.

That’s right, MH2’s gettin back in the game,

Like Dragonforce, I came Through the Fire and Flame.

My life’s been something of an emotional coaster,

I went frying pan to fire straight back into the toaster.

But now I’m spittin hotter than ever, bustin rhymes so clever,

My lyrics: complex as a genome, but simple like a lever.

I’m all up in this business and I’m messin with the physics

of this world we’ve established, so pardon me if I’m dismissive.

I’m just movin on up way past the East Side,

I’m just easin on down, so come along for the ride.

Ya know I spent a lot of time with a thorn in my side,

but now I’m back in black, and I aint swallowing none of my pride.

I’m takin my shot, like Landon Donovan’s goal,

Just call me butter baby, cuz I’m straight on a roll.

Seen a lotta fine ‘stylers, makin keystrokes with soul,

but I gotta shut em down, that’s my primary role!

So to all my esteemed challengers I’ll renew the call,

Go on and take your best shot, but get ready to fall.

Work Tips with Mark - E-mail

Today’s Work Tips covers a VERY important aspect of any professional employment: e-mail.

E-mail is a fantastic technology, allowing us to exchange ideas and information, and in the workplace, it’s a crucial means of relaying client info, phone numbers of clients, or even send whole documents to your co-workers, bosses, or even those below you (although often you’ll have to follow-through to make sure they received the message).

However, e-mails in the work place are not used to their fullest potential.

First and foremost, Black text in Times New Roman or Arial font is SOOOOOO ealy 00’s.  This is a new American workforce.  Bright colors and stylish fonts are the new professional fare.  Get your e-mailed noticed and get quicker responses with neon colors; if they have to strain their eyes to read it, you’ll be sure the reader remembers what they’re sent.  As for font, your text really says a lot about you as a person.  If you’re a fancier person, flashy cursive texts may be more your style.  The thinner and loopier the letters, the more sophisticated you’ll come across.  More fun loving and laid back?  Try peppering in Windings on a few words here and there to punch up your messages.  Use it on really important words to turn the mundane task of reading an e-mail into a game or riddle.

Also, consider graphics and pictures when sending out mass e-mails.  Who wouldn’t want to look at this when opening a message about mandatory meetings:

Pictures like this are not only universally accepted as adorable and great, but help ease the dread inspired by serious, business-related meetings and reminders.  To take it a step further, try a .gif for a little video fun!

These pictures are guaranteed to make even the most stoic CEO LOL!

Which brings me to my final point: Abbrevs.  or “Abbreaviations” as they’re normally known.

E-mails are meant to be quick, to-the-point relays of information, not long, drawn-out, Dickensian novellas.  Why say with ten words what you could say with five letters?  This kind of shorthand makes for a faster, more streamlined reading experience for everyone.  Even consider making your own shorthand.  This will force your coworkers to adopt not only your shorthand, but read up on other abbreviations, thus forcing the whole workplace to save time reading and writing shorter e-mails.

That’s it for today’s Work Tips.  Remember, keep those e-mails interesting and the water-cooler crowded!